


the edge of desire

by cooperstown



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, Light Angst, Longing, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Time Skip, References Dimitri and Sylvain's C Support, Set in Chapter 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 00:30:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20322100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cooperstown/pseuds/cooperstown
Summary: Dimitri experiences feelings for the professor that he can't put a name on.





	the edge of desire

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, [Arden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tome), for beta reading for me! Y'all, trust me when I say that the first draft of this was lacking until they gave me the feedback that lead to the final product that I'm posting. If you are at all interested in the _Dragon Age_ series or _Persona 3_, definitely give their work a read!
> 
> Includes in-game dialogue from the Goddess Tower scene in Chapter 9, so if the tags weren't enough to warn you that this has spoilers, here's your final warning.
> 
> Anyway, time for me to play the Golden Deer route and miss the Blue Lions the entire time.

“Huh, I didn’t think the professor would choose Felix as our class representative,” Sylvain says.

The remark makes Dimitri give pause, following Sylvain’s gaze towards the courtyard outside the classrooms.

Normally sparse with students after classes, today, the courtyard is covered with them — all practicing for the White Heron Cup. Dimitri’s eyes easily pick out Felix from amongst the crowd, the professor standing nearby observing his dancing, just as Professor Hanneman and Professor Manuela are doing with their own students.

Dimitri remembers the professor talking to him about the White Heron Cup recently, but he’d begged her not to choose him as their representative, and she easily complied. To think that she would ultimately choose Felix though…her choice is perplexing, and Dimitri wonders what compelled her to make such a decision. If the choice were up to him, Dimitri would’ve chosen Sylvain — like Felix, his noble upbringing made him knowledgeable about dancing, but he also had the confidence and charm to win such a competition.

From the walkway connecting the classrooms to the reception hall, as Dimitri and Sylvain watch Felix go through the steps of a waltz, Dimitri starts to see the reasoning behind the professor’s thought process.

Thanks to years of honing his swordsmanship, Felix’s movements are sharp and precise, allowing him to perfectly hit the mark with each step. There’s a stiffness to him though, one that doesn’t allow him to move as fluidly as when he’s wielding a sword. The professor seems to notice this too, because she steps in to join him as his partner.

It’s not unusual for someone from a commoner background to know how to dance, but for a former mercenary, Dimitri’s surprised by the grace with which the professor guides Felix through the waltz. Perhaps her grace is not that surprising though, not when Dimitri considers the way she wields a sword like it’s an extension of her arm, making her fighting style seem like it’s its own kind of dance. He watches as, with the professor’s guidance, Felix’s movements become less stiff, until he’s moving almost as gracefully as the professor is.

“They sure seem cozy,” Sylvain jokes, freeing Dimitri from the spell cast by the professor’s mesmerizing dancing.

He sighs, shaking his head in exasperation. “Sylvain, they’re just dancing. I’d hardly call that getting cozy,” Dimitri says, partly as a reminder to himself. Rationally, he knows his words to be true, but for some reason, seeing the professor and Felix in such close proximity brings on an unprompted twinge in his chest.

Dimitri starts walking again and Sylvain easily falls into step with him, laughing. “Maybe not,” Sylvain concedes, “but the professor and Felix are pretty close, don’t you think?”

Dimitri considers Sylvain’s question.

Yes, he supposes that the professor and Felix _are_ rather close. As a swordsman, the professor’s skill is far beyond Felix’s, so it’s no surprise that he’s attracted to that and often seeks out the professor to train with him in her free time. The realization of how much time they spend together outside of class time prolongs the twinge in Dimitri’s chest, and he lightly knocks his fist against his chest to try and relieve the pain.

“Then again, you and the professor are pretty close too. Closer than her and Felix, even,” Sylvain continues, sounding like he’s thinking aloud rather than talking to Dimitri. “Say, Your Highness, do you know the legend associated with the Goddess Tower?”

“Yes…I’ve heard it. What about it, Sylvain?”

“You should invite the professor to visit with you,” Sylvain suggests, bringing his arms up to rest his hands on the back of his head. “You can wish that you two will be together forever.”

“Nonsense,” Dimitri immediately replies, shaking his head afterwards. “Who’d believe in such a silly notion anyway?” He quickens his pace towards the knights’ hall, Sylvain’s laughter resounding from behind him.

“You never know! This might be how you finally get a girl on your arm!” Sylvain calls after him.

Dimitri pointedly ignores Sylvain, but the latter’s volume unsurprisingly attracts other students’ attention, and there’s no stopping the blush that creeps up his neck. Curse that Sylvain.

* * *

As the days go by, Sylvain’s suggestion continues to linger in the back of Dimitri’s mind — coming to the forefront of his thoughts when the professor is so much as in the same room as him.

Dimitri supposes that if he were to wish for forever with someone, the professor wouldn’t be a bad choice. Not that he’d admit that to Sylvain, or actually make that wish.

* * *

On the night of the ball, Dimitri finds himself among the first of the couples out on the dance floor when the orchestra starts playing — invited to dance by a brunette in another house.

As he glides around the ballroom with his partner, he sees Claude dancing with the professor through his peripheral vision, and Dimitri feels the twinge in his chest he’d felt when he saw her dancing with Felix a few weeks ago. What was triggering this pain?

Although he’s tempted to follow the professor’s movements around the room, Dimitri resists the urge, keeping his eyes on his partner in accordance with etiquette. Still, he can’t help but wish that he’d thought to invite the professor to dance with him first, so he could be dancing with her right now, instead of Claude.

Dimitri’s acutely aware of all the other students on the sidelines vying for a dance with the professor; and frankly, he’s not sure if he has the patience to wait any longer than the current dance for his opportunity. As such, he already has a strategy set in motion — keeping himself and his partner within close distance of the professor and Claude so that he’s able to ask her for the next dance before anyone else can.

When the song ends, Dimitri bows and thanks his partner for the dance as quickly as can still be considered polite. Though Claude is still with the professor, he doesn’t hesitate in making his way over to her.

As Dimitri gets closer, he starts to feel unsure of himself, and suddenly the idea of asking the professor to dance is more daunting than it had originally been. Why is he feeling this way? This is just the professor — someone he trusts. Asking her to dance should be easy. Yet, his feet feel more and more leaden with each step he takes towards her.

Before Dimitri can talk himself down or turn tail and run, he’s already in front of the professor, his mouth addressing her before his mind can catch up. “Professor?”

Both the professor and Claude look his way. “Yes, Dimitri?” she replies.

Dimitri tries to ignore Claude’s knowing expression as he pushes past his nerves and asks, “May I have this next dance?”

The professor smiles at him, nodding her head. “Of course,” she answers, and Dimitri lets out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

Claude bows to the professor and then turns to face him. “Teach is all yours, Your Royalness,” he says with a two-finger salute, walking off afterwards.

Dimitri doesn’t hesitate in offering the professor his hand, and she’s quick to give hers to him. He follows by placing his hand on her waist, and she, her hand on his shoulder.

The reality that he’s able to share this dance with her though, doesn’t sink in until the next song starts and they’re gliding around the ballroom.

Until this moment, Dimitri had never been in such close proximity to the professor — there’s an unexpected thrill to it that makes his blood thrum. From this close, he can catch the scent of chamomile in her hair, and the fragrance is pleasant to his senses. Idly, he wonders what her hair would feel like between his fingers, if the glossy, cerulean strands are as soft as they look.

As they dance — unlike with his previous partner — this time, Dimitri has no trouble keeping his gaze on the professor. Under the chandelier lights, she seems to glow and he can’t— _doesn’t want to_ take his eyes off of hers; they sparkle in a way he hasn’t seen before and he’s more than happy to let himself drown in their depths without any chance of rescue.

This is the first time Dimitri’s ever held the professor’s hand too; it’s smaller than he’d thought, and a part of him rues the fact that he’s wearing his gloves right now, unable to better see how their hands fit. He doesn’t dare let himself linger too long on these thoughts though, lest he fluster himself into blushing.

To distract himself, Dimitri decides to start a conversation, asking, “How are you enjoying the ball, Professor?”

“There’s a lot to take in. This is my first time at one.”

“I never would’ve guessed from how gracefully you dance. You make for a fantastic partner. When did a mercenary find the time to learn?”

“I learned from my travels,” the professor answers, going on to tell Dimitri the story of the specific incident. “A village we were staying in was holding a festival to celebrate their successful harvest that year. As part of the festivities, musicians played for the townspeople, and I was watching from the sidelines as they danced. I must’ve looked curious, because my father offered to teach me what he knew.”

“Jeralt, the Blade Breaker, taught you how to dance?”

“Yes. I imagine that he learned before he left Garreg Mach.”

The professor smiles wide enough to make the corners of her eyes crinkle. “He was far from an expert, so the other mercenaries in our company each took turns teaching me what _they_ knew,” she continues, a hint of laughter in her voice that Dimitri desperately wished to hear more of. “I’d never danced so much in my life before.”

The mental image of the professor learning how to dance — being off-rhythm, accidentally stepping on her partner’s foot — makes Dimitri smile himself. If she hadn’t already known how to, he certainly wouldn’t have minded teaching her.

“Practice yields results, right?” Dimitri replies, quoting her words in the classroom back to her. “Unfortunately, I can’t say I’ve had as much practice as you, Professor.”

“Really? I imagine that a prince would have attended a number of events like these.”

“Yes, but I was never really one for dancing. I know it’s not proper etiquette, but Felix and I often would sneak away to spar instead,” Dimitri says, feeling his lips curve up in a smile as his mind replays the memories of days long gone. “Ingrid would reprimand us, but Sylvain was always happy to have more of the girls to himself. Whenever I couldn’t get away though, I usually only ever danced when asked.”

“I’m flattered then, that you sought me out for a dance tonight, Dimitri.”

Hearing the professor say his name makes his heart jump. Dimitri’s heard her say his name plenty of times, of course, but tonight, holding her as she says it makes the syllables sound more alluring somehow.

The professor smiles up at him afterwards, and the action seems to light up her entire face. That expression of hers never fails to take his breath away — Dimitri doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of seeing her look so happy, addicted to the sight ever since he’d laid eyes on it for the first time.

When the music starts to crescendo, Dimitri feels a pang of disappointment at the realization that his dance with the professor is almost over. He knows that to keep her all to himself would be rude, yet…if only there were a way to stop time, to have this moment with her — holding her — last forever… Where was this desire coming from?

Right as the song ends, they’re promptly interrupted by Lorenz, and Dimitri has no choice but to let him cut in. Dimitri bows and thanks the professor for her time, taking his leave afterwards.

Once he’s walked away from the professor and Lorenz, another student approaches Dimitri, inviting him to dance with her. For the next few songs, he circulates the room with whoever asks him to do so, forcing himself to keep his gaze from seeking out the professor the whole time.

Eventually, Dimitri decides that he’s had enough of dancing, and makes to leave the ballroom, wanting to get some fresh air instead.

On his way out, Dimitri spots the professor dancing with Sylvain. The latter meets Dimitri’s eye — having caught him staring — and winks, before returning his attention to the professor.

Though Sylvain isn’t looking his way anymore, Dimitri still shakes his head at the action. Perhaps he should give Sylvain a knock to the head the next time they were in the same room…

* * *

While Dimitri sought peace and quiet from the festivities, he hadn’t anticipated running into the professor in the courtyard.

Dimitri ends up starting a conversation with the professor, and when it approaches the end, he can’t bring himself to let his time with her stop here, not when there’s no one around to interrupt them. Sylvain’s suggestion from a few weeks ago comes to mind, and Dimitri grasps on to the idea, inviting the professor to join him. Even if only for a bit, he’ll take every second he can get with her.

At the Goddess Tower, Dimitri asks the professor if she’s heard of the legend associated with it; and when she says that she has, he raises his eyebrows.

“Is that right? You don't strike me as the sort to enjoy stories like that.”

As surprised as Dimitri is though, the idea of the professor being a romantic is both entertaining and endearing. He’s seen her with books about gardening and fishing, but he wonders if she enjoys romance novels too — imagining her reading them in-between mercenary jobs or in-between coming up with lesson plans.

Before his imagination can distract him any further, Dimitri continues, “They say that wishes made in this tower will come true. I wonder who came up with such a silly notion.”

“You don’t believe it?” the professor asks with a neutral expression, as if she’d expected as much from him. Then again, she’d always been perceptive.

“Legends are legends, nothing more. I doubt there are many who really believe that wishes can be granted. The goddess just watches over us from above... That is all. No matter how hard someone begs to be saved, she would never so much as offer her hand.” Memories of the times Dimitri’s prayed to the goddess — begging for respite from the voices in his head, just to have even one good night of sleep without nightmares — flit through his mind. “And even if she did, we lack the means to reach out and grasp it. That's how I feel about her.”

In the momentary silence between sentences, Dimitri realizes the path his words have taken them down. Though the professor’s been intently listening to him without interrupting — always so kind and patient — he feels the need to change the subject and keep the atmosphere light.

“In any case…” Dimitri continues, smiling at her. “I suppose there's no harm in passing the time with silly legends. What do you say, Professor? Care to make a wish? We are here on the night of the ball. Why don't you try wishing for something?”

The professor offers for him to make his wish first, and Dimitri wishes for a world in which no one would ever be unjustly taken from them. She wishes for the same with a smile that gives him a fluttery feeling in his stomach for some reason.

Seeing the professor look at him like that almost makes Dimitri feel like he’s wasting an opportunity. He’d meant what he said about not believing in silly legends, but a part of him wanted to buy into the story — to see if there’s any truth to it...to indulge in the fantasy of having a future with her.

The words leave Dimitri’s mouth before he can even think them over.

“Although, at a time like this… Perhaps it would make sense for me to wish that we’ll be together forever. What do you think?”

The silence that follows is deafening. In lieu of words, the professor only tilts her head, bringing her hand up to her cheek as she looks at him with a blank expression. Her reaction — or rather, lack thereof — reminds Dimitri of when she first came to lead the class, when he just couldn’t tell what she was thinking. What he wouldn’t give to know what she was thinking now.

Assuming the worst, Dimitri decides that the best course of action is to salvage the situation; and so, he laughs, playing off his words as a joke.

“It didn’t sound like a joke,” the professor says, straightening as she fixes him with a serious expression.

Somehow, this is worse than the blank look the professor wore earlier. Now, Dimitri can’t determine if she’s upset with him or not. To be safe, he apologizes, admitting his thoughtlessness. That alone doesn’t feel sufficient though, so he pauses to gather his thoughts before speaking again.

“Honestly…” Dimitri starts, finding himself having a hard time getting the words he wants— no, _needs_ to say out. “I do regret saying such a thing. Please think nothing of it.”

Dimitri realizes though — that despite having spoken with the intention of backtracking — that there’s truth behind his words, and this time, what he says is his honest thoughts. “I've blurted out irresponsible things like that to my classmates,” he adds, like supporting evidence to an argument the professor didn’t ask him to make. “Promises that we'll see each other again and the like. I have no business making such promises for the future. There are certain things that I must accomplish, even if it means risking my life. I may not even have a future to promise to someone.”

As enjoyable as the fantasy of a forever with the professor is, Dimitri knows that that’s all it can ever be — a fantasy. To have a future with her is to live his own life, and his life isn’t his to live. It can’t be. Not when those he loved have lost theirs. Not when he should’ve died with them. No…his life is theirs now, as it has been ever since that fateful day four years ago, and he’d live to give them the vengeance they deserved, even if that means dying in the process.

Dimitri likes the idea of promising a future to the professor though. Perhaps in another life — where his life actually belongs to him and not to the voices in his head — fantasy can become reality.

The professor doesn’t respond, but there’s a smile playing on her lips. It makes Dimitri feel like she’s seeing right through him — like she’s discerned the underlying meaning of his words.

Dimitri’s unsure whether he wants the professor to call him out or not. A part of him wants her to. What if she were aware of these feelings he’d been harboring? Would she accept them? Could he have a taste of happiness…?

The professor doesn’t seem like she’ll press the matter any further though, and Dimitri’s already said enough to make himself look like a fool for one night. Instead, he suggests that they head back to the ball and — despite not particularly wanting to — tamps down whatever these feelings of his are.

He has to. For them.

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me on [Tumblr](https://tonystonem.tumblr.com/). :)


End file.
